Week 1 NFL Division Power Rankings

It’s one week into the NFL season and we essentially know nothing. What better time than to rank the divisions. Here’s my NFL Divisions Power Rankings

1. NFC West

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81’s in the background like…”Da fuck?”

Going into the season most agreed this was the best division in football. It’s the only division with two legitimate Super Bowl contenders (in most people’s opinion at least, not mine you’ll see) and, after week 1, there’s no reason to think otherwise. The 49ers manhandled the Packers, the Seahawkes beat the Panthers despite getting off to a really slow start. The Cardinals and Rams played each other so it’s unfair to judge that game against other divisions. But, all in all, this division is tops until proven otherwise.

2. NFC North

The Bears shook off a sluggish start to rally back and beat Cincy, a 2012 playoff team, while the Lions had one of the most lopsided 10-point victories you’ll ever watch[1]. Even though the Packers lost, they still looked like one of the NFL’s best. This division race is going to be a good one. In my opinion, the Packers are the best team but with the brutal schedule they have (seriously though just look at it) it’s going to be difficult for them to hold off the Bears AND Lions all season. P.S. the Vikings looked terrible and are on their way to a sub 6 win season. Write it down.

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I can’t wait to injure someone this week

3. AFC South

I don’t think this division is good but if I’m ranking them off week 1 only, you can’t argue with three wins. But let’s look at the three wins. The Texans had to make a 21 point comeback on the lowly Chargers, the Colts barely beat the Raiders, and Tennessee beat a Steelers team that might have revealed they are in the running for 1st overall pick (yes, they were that bad). At least Jacksonville had the decency to lose and admit they stink. Look bottom line is, I honestly thought the four NFC divisions were the best but I felt weird writing that. So, AFC South, enjoy your pity ranking.

4. NFC South

I love the NFC South. Repeat: I LOVE the NFC South. The Saints were my preseason NFC Super Bowl team and they came out swinging against the Falcons. The Panthers played impressively but, in typical Cam Newton fashion, narrowly lost to the ‘Hawks. If the Bucs wouldn’t have shot themselves in the foot against the Jets[2], this might have been the top division.

5. NFC East

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Don’t worry guys I’ll be injured in no time.

A lot of people are high on the Eagles and I’m not sure if I buy it. Did they watch the whole game? Did they notice the Eagles were outscored 20-7 in the second half? They were exciting, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not ready to say Chip Kelly’s offense “works”. The Redskins might not be very good, ever consider that. While we’re on that topic, Griffin looked scared out there, like he was afraid to get hit. I’m no offensive guru, but I would think the read option loses it’s luster when you’re quarterback is injury prone and afraid to get hit. As for the rest of the division, I never sleep on the Giants. And I never take a Cowboys win too seriously. I’m very much up in the air with the NFC East.

6. AFC West

So, huh, this Peyton Manning guy might be pretty good. I don’t know if we will ever see a defending Super Bowl champion get demolished so methodically in week one ever again. If the Broncos didn’t look so good, this would be the worst division. Oakland and San Diego? Can’t wait to watch that game. If you combined the best players from both offenses you would still have a shitty offense. And I know Kansas City was a popular sleeper pick (I like ‘em too) but I couldn’t tell if they are good or if Jacksonville is THAT bad. If you can only score off safeties it’s going to be a long season. Even Mark Sanchez thinks Blaine Gabbert needs to get yanked.

7. AFC East

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“Run the halfback feet…I mean sweep….then tell Sanchez to sit on the bench and take off his shoes”

For the yesteryears of remembrance[3], the Patriots have been the end all be all of this division. Is this the year that changes? They haven’t been this vulnerable since the Matt Cassell year that everyone pretends never happened. Their top offensive threats are 1 and 2 on the “Least Likely to Play Consecutive Games” list which leaves Brady left to squeeze water out of rocks. If anyone can do it, it’s him but still, if this division had anyone but the Jets, Dolphins, and Bills I’d be scared. However, don’t be surprised if one of those teams steals a playoff spot, especially if they can go 4-0 against the non-Pats teams and steal their home game against New England. Last thing: Jets stink. Just wanted to get that out there.

8. AFC North

A division that sent two teams to the playoffs last year seems to have taken a step back or two. Or ten. I know the Ravens lost Ray Lewis and Ed Reed but 7 passing touchdowns?! That was insane. At least Joe Flacco has incentive to get better and lead that team back to prominence……anyway…Cincy blew it against the Bears but are more than likely going to win this division and head back to the playoffs. And for the Browns and Steelers, tsk tsk. Ben Roethlisberger almost let his team get shut out by the Titans and Brandon Weeden looks like that other crappy quarterback from last year also named Brandon Weeden. I know they can’t be the same guy because there’s no way Cleveland would have brought THAT guy back for another season.


[1] Yeah I said in the paragraph before that it’s unfair to rank an in-division game and then gave the Lions credit for their victory over the Vikings buuuuuuttt these are my Lions and this is my blog. So suck it.

[2] That was one of the worst losses I have ever seen. They had the Jets in the bag and allowed Geno Frickin’ Smith and Skinny Rex Ryan to drive down the field and GIVE THEM A FREE FIELD GOAL after a stupid personal foul penalty. Wow. That was one of the most pathetic losses I’ve ever seen….and I’m a Lions fan!!! I saw an 0-16 season with more upside than that clunker.

[3] I’ve been watching a lot of Game of Thrones reruns lately

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