Miss the NBA Nickname game last night? Here’s a breakdown..

I’m going to start by saying I loved…LOVED…the nickname idea. Just another perfect way for the league to make money get the fans involved in a fun and endearing way. If you missed the game or for whatever reason still own a low-def television and couldn’t read them, here’s a breakdown of what people chose.

 

Miami Heat

The Good

Lebron James (“King James”)

Of course. It’s his nickname and he has a multi-million dollar image he’s trying to uphold. He is King James and King James is him. Other choices: Imagine the ESPN uproar if he picked “G.O.A.T”. It would be worth it.

Ray Allen (“J. Shuttlesworth”)

This jersey alone made the whole thing worth it.

Chris Andersen (“Birdman”)

I honestly thought his jersey already said “Birdman” on the back. Nobody’s called him Chris Andersen since ‘Nam.

Norris Cole (“Cole Train”)

I don’t love Norris Cole as a basketball player (although he’s been a contributor from day one on a championship team) but he seems like a genuinely funny guy. The flat top and now this hilarious nickname. Good work by you Norris. Other options: “Cole World”, “Cole War”, “Ice Cole”

Rashard Lewis (“Sweet Lew”)

Although his goatee and face structure scream “The Pharaoh”, Sweet Lew is cool too. It has the same relaxed, uncaring feel that his style of play has screamed since 2007. Another great option: “I Just Sharded”

Michael Beasley (“B Easy”)

He’s probably gotten enough crap for his “SuperCoolBeas” tattoo so “B Easy” was a good choice. If I didn’t dislike Michael Beasley so much this might have been my favorite nickname.

 

The Bad

Roger Mason Jr. (“MoneyMase”)

No matter how hard you try, “MoneyMase” is never going to be a thing. Sorry dude.

Mario Chalmers (“Rio”)

I know that’s already his nickname buuuut it makes him seem like such a child for some reason. Another choice: “Stop Yelling At Me”

Shane Battier (“Battle”)

It embodies his style of play, it plays off his name, but I’m just not feeling it. I wish he would have played off his intelligence like “The Professor” or “The Politician”

 

The Ugly

Joel Anthony (“Doc”)

What?!…this is…huh?! No, Joel, No!

Dwayne Wade (“D. Wade”)

It already says Wade on your jersey. Adding your first initial is lame. Why not “Flash”?

Chris Bosh (“C.B.”)

Of course he won’t go with the “Boshstrich” but what about “The Raptor” with a little throw back to his old team? Regardless, I’m still a fan. Yes, Chris Bosh fans exist and I am one of them. Keep doin’ your thing, Chris!!!

Udonis Haslem (“U.D”)

How about “U.H. Oh”. That works his initials in there and embodies the fan’s reactions when he checks into a game.

Greg Oden (“G.O.”)

I guess “Grandpa Greg” and “Black Gandalf” were taken.

James Jones (“JJ”)

It’s good to see James Jones is still in the league.

 

Brooklyn Nets

The Good

Andrei Kirilenko (“Кириленко”)

I assume this means “bone crusher” in Russian. Wait, what? It’s just his last name in Russian? I’m going to keep pretending it says “bone crusher”.

Kevin Garnett (“The Big Ticket”)

Classic nickname.

Tornike Shengeila (“Tokomotiv”)

Look at Shengeila with the most creative nickname of the bunch. His creativity should buy him some more playing time.

Paul Pierce (“Truth”)

The only way this would have been better was if it said “Da Troof” and he snarled for the ENTIRE game.

Jason Terry (“Jet”)

This is another guy that lives his nickname and has inspired countless imitators in pickup games across the nation. Or maybe that’s just me.

 

The Bad

Andray Blatche (“Dray Live”)

This sounds like a terrible Broadway play where the star has character issues and shoots too much.

Alan Anderson (“Double”)

I see where he’s coming from with the AA initials but “Mr. Anderson” would have been cooler. There’s probably some laws preventing this though with its ties to The Matrix.

Brook Lopez (“Brooklyn”)

I once met a girl whose first name was Brooklyn. So…yeah there’s that.

Deron Williams (“D-Will”)

It’s better than D. Wade since it at least shortens his last name but it’s still lazy.

Tyshawn Taylor (“Tee_Y”)

I can’t tell if I love or hate the underscore…it’s hilariously and ironically dumb.

Mirza Teletovic (“MT3”)

This is too close to Chris Paul’s nickname.

 

The Ugly

Reggie Evans (“Joker”)

WTF? This nickname made less sense than anyone else’s. “Box Out” would have been cool. Or “Caveman” because he looks a little Neanderthal-ish.

Mason Plumlee (“Plums”)

They probably actually call him Plums in the locker room so I guess it’s not that bad.

Shaun Livingston (“S Dot”)

I’m probably just not cool enough to get it. “Stanky Leg” would have been my choice for obvious reasons.

Joe Johnson (“JJ”)

The only thing more disappointing that your nickname is your play.

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