Whodunnit? Walking Dead’s mystery

Alright Walking Dead…who did it? Who murdered Karen and Random Other Guy then burned their bodies with gasoline? Also, who’s feeding the walkers at the fence. More importantly, who’s feeding them the rat’s head then discarding the rest of the body. There are starving walkers in Africa that would kill for that rat ya know. You should be grateful. Anyways, here are some of the candidates:

Yo bruh, you gonna finish that rat?

The Governor

We haven’t seen the guy all season. Is this the way he makes his return? Breaking in late at night, feeding zombies some rat heads through the fence. Maybe hiding out in the prison during by day and burning people with gasoline by night. It would make for a hell of a comeback. Improbable that he would exact his revenge via feeding the walkers then killing off sick people but a comeback nonetheless.

Hershel

He IS the resident doctor[1] and would have had full access to them if he wanted. He knows he could go at any second and wants a safe (other than the zombie apocalypse) world for his daughter. Plus, he’s at that age where he can get away with anything. Are we really going to get mad at him? He probably went into an Alzheimer’s induced trance and thought the walkers were pigeons and the rats were seed. He was probably wishing he was sitting on a park bench. Ohh Hershel, you’re such a rascal!

Carl

Remember last season when he gunned that dude down and didn’t even blink. He’s shown he’s capable of killing living people. On top of that he’s a teenager and probably thinks he knows everything[2]. I could see the reasoning going something like this. “What should I do? My dad gave my gun back so he basically said it’s fair game to kill people again. And Karen and Random Guy ARE sick. Whatever, I’ll just stab them in the head burn them with gasoline. That’s way more fun than farming or feeding rats to zombies anyway. I miss Hot Topic.”

Carol

Remember when Carol sucked and just got in the way all the time. Well, now she’s a bad bitch. Maybe even too bad if you catch my drift. She kills dying dad’s by day and breeds an army of children by night. It’s just a matter of time before she takes over the prison with the teenybobber Gestapo. Heil Carol!

First, the prison. Next, Poland!

Little girl with daddy issues[3]

When her dad died and it was up to her to keep him from reanimating she choked like Tim Duncan on a 2 foot putback in Game 7. Then later in the episode her little sister said “She’s not weak….she’s just messed up”? WTF does that even mean? Did she say it because her tiny child brain lacked the vocabulary to really describe her sister or is that girl truly “messed up”. Like giving zombies names and playfully watching them outside the fence like they’re puppies at a pet store “messed up”[4]? Like feeding rats to zombies through the fence “messed up”? Like Carol has been training me to be General of the Teenybobber Gestapo “messed up”? I think this would be a great twist. But then again, we already have a half-psycho child with Carl. Add one more and we’re in Children of the Corn territory.

Last but not least…

Maybe Karen did it herself

Remember when she didn’t go back to Tyrese’s room that night? Maybe she just isn’t in to dark meat. And let’s be honest. Tyreese was coming on a little strong wasn’t he? And with Facebook a distant memory maybe this is how you officially end things in the zombie apocalypse. Statuses be damned I’ll just drag myself outside and light up, that should send a message. So sorry Tyrese, she doesn’t want to be with you, TAKE A HINT!

Tyreese went from being “In a relationship” to “It’s complicated”

If you missed Talking Dead they previewed a scene that had “7,500” zombie extras according to some official makeup artist from the show. Looked crazy. Enjoy next week!

If you liked this check out the podcast my friend Drew and I just released.


[1]  Not including random guy with doctor knowledge from earlier in the episode. Why isn’t that guy head doctor? Why is one-legged, veterinarian Hershel still the resident expert on human health when we have a real life, people doctor in the prison now? I don’t know why I’m complaining, I love Hershel, he’s so wise.

[2] Pfft, teens.

[3] You’d be surprised how hard it is to successfully Google her name.

[4] She did this in the season opener.

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Trade Deadline: Much Ado About Nothing.

The NBA. Where deadline induced blueballs happen. Nobody moved! That was so disappointing.

List of players whose name were linked to possible trades: Josh Smith, Pau Gasol, Kevin Garnett, Monta Ellis, Kris Humphrie’s contract.

List of player’s that actually did move: JJ Reddick, Eric Maynor, Thomas Robinson, Ronnie Brewer, Jordan Crawford

List of player’s that moved that will affect the championship race:

In other words, we all got duped. Regardless, here’s a take on a few of the trades that did happen.

Boston gets G Jordan Crawford

Washington gets C Jason Collins, G Leandro Barbarosa

So basically Washington was so fed up with having Jordan Crawford they traded him for a guy who has a torn ACL and who’s contract will end before he recovers1.
Even though Boston really had nothing to lose in this trade can someone please
tell Danny Ainge that no number of combo guards will make up for the loss of
Rondo come playoff time. Their back court now consists of Avery Bradley, Jason
Terry, Courtney Lee, and Jordan Crawford.That being said, I actually kind of
like the move. Crawford has proven to be an irresponsible shooter, but if KG
can scare him into a smarter shot selection his scoring could come in handy at
some point. The guy has shown that he can put up points in a hurry if he
catches fire while the other three can’t create their own shot (in the case of
Jason Terry he just hasn’t meshed in Boston). Best Case Scenario. Worse case scenario: he provides nothing which puts him right on par with what Barbarosa was going to give this
season.

Orlando gets G Doron Lamb, Beno Udrih, and F Tobias Harris

Bucks get JJ Redick, C Gustavo Ayon, and G Ish Smith

I’m sad that this was the biggest trade of the deadline. Milwaukee, trying to hang on to their opportunity to get swept in the first round by Miami, goes out and gets Redick, a guy who can stretch the floor and has really improved as a passer this year. Does this make them a threat in the East? Absolutely not. But when you can make a move to ensure you have the worst defensive backcourt in the league you have to pull the trigger. This move would have made a lot more sense if they traded Ellis as well, started Redick, and ended this failed experiment2 that is starting two score-first point guards.

Sacramento trades Thomas Robinson

Did the Maloofs forget that they used a 5th overall pick on this guy just eight months ago?! So Robinson struggles a little his ROOKIE year on a team where the locker room and overall situation is a complete disaster and you just give up on him? I hope this team is taken away from the Maloofs so that things like this don’t happen anymore. Great move by the Rockets though. Robinson, if nothing else this year, can bring a little toughness to a talented, but soft team. Next year he has the chance to become a key member of a young team on the rise.

 

  1. Assuming no deer antler spray is involved.
  2. I realize this isn’t big news I just wanted a reason to post this video.
  3. Ellis was coming off two straight 24+ ppg seasons with Golden State (and was scoring almost 22 at the time) before being shipped to Milwaukee. This year he has failed to crack 20 in 34 of 57 games. I bet an offer of Ellis and Larry Sanders would have got serious looks. Maybe even Ellis and John Henson too.